Understanding Personal Trauma + PTSD || Bullying/Friendships 

Disclaimer: This is purely from my own personal experience.

Trauma comes from different things, and can last a long time. This is somewhat dependent on how often you think about them and let them affect you. I’ve suffered two different personal traumas, a death and bullying. There comes a point where you just wake up one day and decide to put it in the past; which is easier for bullying rather than a death. I’m going to make this post about bullying, and a separate one on death.

A Background And A Complex Situation.

I’m not going to talk fully about the bullying as that would be beating a dead horse, but I will say it was pretty horrific. You don’t really understand the affects unless you go through it personally, even witnessing it happen is different to how you actually feel begin the recipient. My PTSD diagnosis was partly related to this, which means quite a lot. It means that I had to rebuild my confidence, how I develop friendships, how I react to things and how I deal with it. I’ve had time to look back on friendships that didn’t last out of my own PTSD brick wall, looking back at them a few months later puts things into perspectives. You honestly look at how the other person might see things differently and have different ethical and moral values, that doesn’t make them a bad person nor you.

I’ve been working through my own PTSD issues for the last few years and I can honestly say I’ve come leaps and bounds. My main goal this year is to push through my brick walls further and to stop being afraid of what could go wrong. In order to push through, I have to understand how these things make and made me feel. I’ve found that my gut feeling can be thrown off out of fear and negativity towards already made up decisions; basically jumping to conclusions. Something that’s helped me with understanding my own trauma, is looking at the pros and cons it has. (It might sound odd but it really does help, you can always find pros and cons!). I plan on making a blog post in the future to discuss how this whole goal went.

The Important Stuff

This is one of the main things I want to talk about, talking to someone outside of a situation helps. It puts everything into perspective, this is only related to how you deal with the trauma. I understood my trauma by blocking out anything that would cause me harm, which made the process harder rather than easier. Because it made me afraid of anything going wrong, and 9 times out of 10, things usually do go wrong. So imagine that brick wall, but now the bricks are thicker, so whenever something goes wrong instead of just simply saying to myself ‘shit happens, you can deal with this!’ I instead develop a crack in that brick wall which is then covered in more bricks.

It’s really important to get the help when you need it and not to try and sort it all out yourself. However, don’t let people who barely know you tell you to get counselling, you do it on your own terms. This year is going to be a year full of trials and attempts of breaking down that wall of fear, because you can do anything you put your mind to. Really, you can. This year I want to develop friendships without the brick wall being in the way.

Another important part of understanding your trauma is understanding your limits. What are your limits when trying to push past the ordeal? What are your limits when you decide that enough is enough of thinking with it? You need to know this. Writing down how you feel about different things relating to this helps, so you can see in writing how it is that you understand.

The Most Important Thing

You need to visualize your healing process, what does it look like to you? What is the end result? Who and what is involved? Is it worth documenting? I can’t stress this part enough, I’m beginning to do this part at the moment and it’s a breath of fresh air! I recommend documenting it, starting with what your goal is and how you will achieve it, as well as back up plans. Then document when a huge breakthrough happens, or when you lapse and even when tiny good things happen. Write what works and what doesn’t. You don’t need to share it with anyone, or if you’re comfortable you can. It’s purely up to you. In the future I might share mine, however I will have the information blurred out, just to show you the layouts and ideas I’m using.

To Conclude My Main Message

I grew to understand my trauma to be real, and to be a struggle to deal with. I learnt my barriers and what really needs to be worked on. You should visualize your healing process and always give yourself a pep talk when you need it.

— Thanks for stopping by —
Feel free to check out other personal growth blog posts! Just find the category above the post.


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