I’ve rewritten this over and over thinking of the right way to phrase how I’m feeling. I just wanted to make a quick post regarding how having anxiety can open your mind back up to things you used to be completely over.
That’s right, lapses in depression.
Don’t get me wrong, I am SO excited for nursing that I can hardly wait for it start; but at the same time I’m getting anxious about the whole idea…and unfortunately for me and a lot of other people, when I’m anxious it opens the gates to past things in my mind. In the last few weeks I’ve found myself thinking about things I thought I forgot, and going through the motions all over again for certain things. This means dealing with triggers gets a little tricky.
Only one person, my boyfriend, knows all of my triggers. I don’t think people need to know that sort of thing, but that does mean some people can hit those triggers without knowing it making it a little harder to process.
Something I was always taught through therapy was to stay occupied when these sorts of things happen which can be hard. I even kept all of this to myself till the other night when I burst into tears sitting next to my boyfriend about it. Something I’ve always found really important in shortening the span of the lapses is to find things that occupy my mind and leave no room to think, but in saying that you should always feel valid to have those feelings.
I find this really hard just because of the things to brings back up that you have no control over, if you’re an outsider looking at someone like is the best thing you can do is ask them if they’re okay, and let them know you’re there for them and even let them know of services they can use for help.
How do you know if someone is having a lapse?
– They become withdrawn
– Appear to have a low mood more than a positive one
– They seem sad, irritable and tearful
– They look tired
– They all of a sudden lose interest in things
– They appear to struggle to concentrate
When really exciting and happy things occur, such as the count down to Uni starting, a lapse in depression really pushes the excitement out of it making it harder to be genuinely happy about it. I know that when Uni starts and I get Into the swing of things, all of this will go away; but till then I kind of just have to cope with it. If anything, it’s a good motivator, to in a sense attempt to get my shit together for studying.
So don’t ever feel stupid, useless or invalid because of these feelings, these things happen and the best thing you can do is to talk to someone or try different methods of occupying yourself. Everything will be okay in the end and no matter how hard something is, it doesn’t last forever. Trying to find positive thoughts so hard to do, but with practice can become easy.
Here’s something you can do when those irrational fears come back
Write down what it is and how it makes you feel, then write down any supporting evidence of that fear, and any evidence that doesn’t support the fear. Then try and change the thought to a positive one.
Here’s an example:
Negative thought: What if I fail at what I’m doing?
How it makes me feel: useless, unhappy, angry, frustrated
Any evidence that supports the thought: I failed trying to study for things in the past
Any evidence that doesn’t support the thought: The study hasn’t started yet so how could I possibly know what I’m capable of
Positive thought: I don’t know how Uni is going to be, but all I can do is try my best.
I will say, it’s not always going to be that easy to fill out this activity but it does help, trust me! So look after yourself, and others around you; and in turn, everything will be okay.
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