Friendships & Unhealthy Friendships

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.”

We all have friendships, and we all experience bad friendships. Today I’m here to explore both sides of friendship and what to look out for, as well as hints and tips!

The good side of friendship

Friendship is about having company, understanding, accepting, and basically share the same or similar qualities to you. It’s about having someone to talk to about all the good and bad things that happen to you and share a lot of personal things with. You also need a level of trust and honesty with these people.

Often, it’s hard to find good friends, and I’m here to give you some indications (pretty much a checklist)  for you to look out for when you’ve made or making friends!

  1. Do you click?
  2. Do you have anything in common?
  3. Can you see yourself hanging out with this person?
  4. Are they trustworthy?
  5. Are they easy going or high maintenance?
  6. What is their personality like?
  7. Are they what you’re looking for in a friend?
  8. Are they bossy or in your face? (I’ll come back to that)
  9. Are you comfortable with them?
  10. Can you read them? (I’ll also come back to this)

It’s important to be comfortable around the people you hang out with, if you aren’t, follow your intuition. It’s usually right on this one. Clicking with people is the major key to friendship, if you don’t click then there’s no need to continue a friendship. You don’t always have to have things in common but it does help, whether it be tv shows, studies or movies. If they’re easy going they will be a perfect friend, whereas having a friend that you feel like you have to constantly talk to will cause you trouble in the long term. Reading the person is important, if you can’t tell how they’re feeling or pick up any vibes from them, don’t go there!

But let’s look at the positives, friendships can be so enlightening. You can learn so much from each other and have someone you can rely on. It’s important to treat your friends how you want to be treated, if you don’t take on board any feedback or respect their opinions/ideas then don’t expect them to respect yours. Friendship is a two way street, while making friends is important, it’s even more important to maintain those friendships. That doesn’t mean you have to see them every day or talk to them every hour of the day, it simply means making time for them, talking often but not always and making sure you’re there for them whenever they need.

Having supportive friends are amazing. You’d be surprised looking back on any past friendships and realising that you didn’t actually have support back, despite being supportive to them. You flourish as a person when you surround yourself in support, care and love. I find the most negative people are the ones surrounding themselves with other negative people.

You become what you surround yourself with.
Surround yourself with people who hold grudges, and you’ll hold grudges. Surround yourself with people who enjoy having a laugh and smiling, and you’ll do the same. Always remember that. If you isolate yourself, you’ll attract people who isolate themselves and the people around them.

Now the bad side of friendship 

We’ve all been there, the kinds of friendships you regret to a degree but also appreciate because they taught you what to look for and what to avoid. I’m yet to meet someone who hasn’t had a bad friendship because they happen an awful lot. Here are some indications that you are in a bad friendship:

  1. They control you or try to
  2. They find a way to isolate you away from others
  3. You don’t feel comfortable or happy in their presence
  4. They’re envious of something you have (you’ll feel this one, trust me)
  5. They have to be the centre of attention and lack sympathy for you
  6. They always have to have their way
  7. You don’t get a say in anything, they constantly gossip
  8. They bully you or others around you
  9. They don’t listen to concerns or take responsibility for their actions
  10. They lie to you about events, other people, life etc

You don’t have to stick around for these friendships, you don’t have to put up with them. You always get a choice in who your surround yourself with so it’s important that you make it count. People who get bossy or force themselves into your life are the ones you really need to look out for. On the odd occasion, these people will stop talking to you (because you can never be right in their eyes) so when that happens, it’s like the trash takes itself out. You’re welcome.

It;s important to know when enough is enough and often times friendships do grow apart or they grow closer and that’s okay. Let your friendships be smooth and flow accordingly, no need to force anything. I hope this has helped to some degree!

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