Everybody’s different, we all come from different backgrounds with different experiences with different health issues. We are all completely different yet we all have the same thing in common: we make judgements on people about the glimpses we have on their lives and decide right there and then if we hate them or like them.
But what if we can change that thinking and turn it into something productive? …..something more positive rather than negative. As it turns out, a lot of people are completely different to what your impressions are of them. While you might think you know someone, I can tell you now that you don’t. If they aren’t a close friend or family member I can safely say that you don’t know them as well as you think you do. Hell, you might not actually really know your family or close friends too but that’s where I’m here to help…..sort of!
So I try not to judge people straight off the bat, I go by the vibe they give out. If they’re closed off I don’t bother with them, if they’re open I go ahead and see what they’re like. I e had friends for 4 years and only really discovered what they were like towards the end of the friendship and it made me question a lot about people and their intentions; I went by vibes on that one and honestly they never failed me.
Some tips on getting to know someone:
- Ask them any questions you have about them, but don’t go asking risky questions straight away
- Take time out of your day to spend time with them even if it’s for only 10 minutes, you could learn a lot
- Play 20 questions and make them fun and interesting
- Get to know their hobbies, experiences, favourite colour, memories etc
- Find out their goals in life and how far they’ve come
- Try and find things in common and pursue that
- Don’t go in with judgements, it’ll end badly
- Don’t have malicious intentions for getting to know them
- If you share opposing views, that’s okay! Don’t make a big deal out of it
- See how you feel around them, if you don’t feel good you don’t need to continue
- Don’t speak badly about yourself or them
- Talk about yourself and let them do the same
- Give people a chance
The main thing I have to say is that it’s best not to make a judgement on someone based on what other people have said. They could be wrong, they could be slandering the person, you never know people’s intentions in that regard. If you also have questions about a person it’s best to ask them rather than another person because again, they could be wrong.
It’s never too late to try and get to know someone, believe me! When you learn new things about people, you also learn new things about yourself. When you realise you have to talk about yourself when getting to know someone, this can be hard (granted that you’re not narcissistic) and that’s where you learn new things, you realise a bit about yourself when you talk about yourself to other people.
Take it as a chance to grow, as a chance to improve yourself and if all goes well, to add to your friendship circle. You’ll start to notice that all the thoughts you had about someone will be, for the most part, completely wrong. That’s kinda the fun part strangely, to prove yourself wrong. If you feel comfortable enough with yourself this shouldn’t be an issue rather a learning experience.
It’s hard to break out of the habit of judging people straight off the bat but it does get easier and you’ll find you maintain more healthier relationships with people with more honesty and openness.