“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”
– Daniel Goleman
I’m here today to give you the quickest guide to emotional intelligence that you’ll probably ever read. Emotional intelligence is being able to deal with your own emotions as well as being aware of them, and not takin them out on other people. Basically bullying behaviour. You know how bullies take out their own insecurities on you and not actually target your insecurities? That’s what a lack of emotional intelligence is.
Being emotionally intelligent means working on your insecurities, understanding your feelings and knowing when to say no or avoid people and places, not taking out all of your problems on people and having empathy and understanding for the people around you. If you don’t have any of that….you have a problem.
So how do you begin to develop emotional intelligence?
- Write down your fears and insecurities, not to make you feel bad about yourself but so that you’re aware of yourself. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities.
- Understand how those things make you feel and think about how many times you’ve taken that emotion out on other people.
- Stop doing things that trigger yourself purposely: so avoid stalking social network profiles (that means not getting your friends to do it on your behalf as well), change your focus when you begin to ruminate on the bad things, etc
- Have a fall back when you’re having a bad day, write down a letter to someone you’re mad at, upset with or even happy with! You don’t have to show the letters to the people they’re about. Sometimes I keep mine in a box or I’ll burn them.
- Know when to seek out therapy to assist you in dealing with your emotions. I won’t lie, therapy is such a great place because you can talk about anything and everything without anyone getting hurt or upset or even angry, it’s your palace to discuss whatever’s going on.
- (Unpopular opinion alert) don’t rely on antidepressants to maintain your emotional intelligence and emotions in general, they’re designed to mask symptoms while you go to therapy and work on the actual issue, they aren’t a long term cure. (I’m also not condemning their use). I’ve never taken antidepressants, Im willing to be corrected if needed.
- A key to maintaining your emotional intelligence means knowing your triggers and avoiding them. You’re allowed to delete, block and never talk to people again if you don’t want to. Hell, you don’t have to go to places that make you feel u comfortable either. But if you know that you have to deal with going to a place or seeing people just take deep breaths and think about good things, that way you don’t take your feelings out on other people about the situation.
- Always ask for help when you need it, there’s no shame in that.
- Look after your mental health, if your mental health isn’t too flash I can guarantee other aspects of your life aren’t in good shape. You aren’t weak to experience bad mental health, I’ve found people who have experienced bad mental health to be much stronger emotionally than others that haven’t. In saying that, everyone experiences mental health problems at some point. Depression and anxiety are just the key players.
- Learn to be grateful and write down everything you’re appreciative for. I have a list that varies from people, places, life in general, work/study and so on. Looking back on it when you’re having a bad day works wonders!
Do what feels right and comfortable, we all need emotional intelligence in our lives. I promise you’ll see your life get better when you maintain that intelligence. If you love yourself you’ll love other people, if you don’t bully and take your issues out on other people you’ll have long term friendships/relationships that are healthy, if you have techniques in place you’ll be able to let shit go; you get the picture.
I hope this summary and quick tip post has helped in some way!