You’ve come into contact with them, hell you’ve probably pictured them just by reading the title. If you’re a regular reader of my blog you’ll know that I’ve been teaching myself to take an empathetic view on people that probably don’t deserve it, and that’s what has inspired this post today!
It’s easy to get mad, hold a grudge and throw passive aggressive comments towards someone that’s toxic; but that means you’re lowering yourself to their level, which I’m guilty of in the past. But what if I told you that you can actually learn a thing or two from them and about them? You’re either thinking “wow no shit” or “how is that possible?” First we need to understand ourselves.
Who are you?
You are what you surround yourself with, if you hang around negative people it will rub off onto you. If you hang around people that you know are toxic you’ll start incorporating their traits and behaviours without even realising it. You need to be aware of your own morals, values and ethics. You need to be aware of your own energy, vibes and intuition. If you’re spending your time defending someone that’s toxic, this usually means you’ve become one of them. This usually happens if you aren’t aware of your own person.
Have you ever thought about your own morals, values, ethics, etiquette, behaviour and thought processes? You tend to not really dwell on them but I’ve learnt that you should. You should be aware of your own self. It’s important to write these things down and reflect on them. Could you change them? Is there anything missing? Only you can know that.
Can you spot a negative person?
- They’ll make you feel bad, or that anything you do is wrong
- They’ll make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself
- They’ll lie, and they won’t care who it affects or how it affects people
- They usually have a high friend turnover rate (they lose and gain a lot of friends quickly)
- They have a history of having toxic relationships
- They’ll change other people’s opinions of you
- They’ll fear monger you, or other people if they interact with you
- They target you for their own insecurities or fears
- They hang around other toxic people
- They’re able to hide their behaviour from certain people
- They tend to lack their own opinions of topics
- They don’t show any remorse or guilt for their actions
- They tend to turn people around them toxic, often mirroring their own behaviour
- They don’t show any responsibility for themselves
- They often have a high opinion of themselves, and they’ll let you know all about it
- They try and dictate what you do and say
……You get the picture
So what can you learn from toxic people?
The main one: you learn to not be like them. You see their actions and and learn to avoid them and stop yourself from even mirroring that behaviour.
You learn that everyone thinks differently. They have different thought content, concentration and reactions to everyday things.
You learn about what people fear, and that it’s okay to have fears. You learn that it’s not okay to take those fears out on others.
You learn that it could be a persons cry for help on a subconscious level. Maybe they’re aware of themselves and want to change but just don’t know how.
You learn about who you want to surround yourself with and who you don’t want to surround yourself with. Do you want to hang around someone who makes you feel bad or someone that makes you happy?
You learn even more about your own person. You grow and change your own views and morals etc.
You learn that maybe you’re showing the same behaviour and that it’s time to change.
You learn that you may have used that behaviour against someone else, and you can take that opportunity to apologise to that person/people.
You learn the importance of understanding yourself and thinking deeply about your own actions and words.
As you can see, you can learn so much if you change your perspective on their behaviour. Changing your perspective can be the difference between holding onto anger and pain, and being able to grow and flourish.
I hope you’ve learnt a thing or two today! I’ve realised a few things just writing this one to be honest.