How To Properly Deal With Jealousy/Envy

We’ve all experienced these feelings before, and we probably will in the future. So I’m here today to give you a guide on how to deal with these feelings in a healthier better way!

Understand exactly how you’re feeling

You need to get to the root of what you’re actually feeling and why you’re feeling that way. You can feel jealousy towards someone’s possessions, achievements, partner/relationship etc etc.

Some common scenarios consist of a friend getting into a relationship and becoming jealous that they’re spending more time with their partner, you get jealous of another persons achievements or scores and so on.

You can feel a variety of emotions towards the person such as anger, sadness, doubt, anxiety, insecurity, defensiveness, resentment, etc.

my tip here is to write down how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this. My favourite technique is to draw a ‘web’. So you start at the person or thing, draw a line to the feeling, draw a line to why you’re feeling this, draw a line to what makes it worse or calms it down, draw a line to possible solutions or distractions and so on; you get the idea!

The psychological aspect of jealousy/envy

These feelings will eat away at you unless you resolve them. Over time when harbouring these feelings, you begin to develop resentment towards the person; and that’s usually when irreversible damage happens. You can however fix a relationship that’s affected, but it will take a lot of work after resentment begins to take place.

Sometimes when you feel subconsciously jealous of someone or something, you unknowingly feel resentment towards them, and that’s when you start to hate and even feel uncomfortable around that person or situation. You may even look too deeply into things that they do or make assumptions on their motives, them as a person or even (in rare cases) you begin to believe false stories you make about them in your head.

Of course when you don’t deal with it, the resentment just builds further over time. My tip here is to take a step back and look at the facts and detach your feelings from them. It’s important to write this down too.

How you can change and fix the problem

In order to fix a problem, you need to have possible solutions. You also need to have the actual facts both with and without your emotions attached to it. You need to make sure you’re feeling this feeling about the right person and not passing it off onto someone else, or blaming and resenting someone else because it’s easier.

You need to fully work out the situation before you can approach the person, you need to also be open to discussion because there will be two sides to the story, you also need to have possible solutions to use.

A lot of the time, someone’s behaviour or what they’ve said can be misconstrued or misunderstood and a lot of us stay away from actually discussing the issues with all involved and it ends up just blowing up. It’s also best to speak up about the problem, no one wins with false assumptions and judgements. No one. And most of the time, you could be wrong about why you’re even feeling jealous.

Never ever take your feelings of jealousy out on other people. It’s not healthy and it’s not okay. Don’t blame the other person either, there’s a reason why you get triggered to feel this way and as weird as it may sound, it really doesn’t have anything to do with the other person to begin with.

Possible solutions to try

  • Take a step back from the situation to properly understand it
  • Always communicate openly
  • Don’t blame the other person, jealousy begins internally
  • Look into developing growing your emotional intelligence and coping strategies
  • Learn to trust in people
  • Look at the positives rather than the negatives, find the positive thought to the negative one
  • Stop comparing yourself to other people
  • Understand that people grow and move down different paths, don’t try and stop people following their own life profession
  • Try to stop yourself from making assumptions and jumping to conclusions
  • Become aware of your own bullshit
  • Allow the other person to give their side of events
  • Identify why and how you get triggered into these feelings and create a distraction to prevent it from happening in the future

Obviously, this won’t work with everyone but it’s always worth a try! We need more positivity in this world.

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